Selfish

  I have set myself a new goal. Most would say it's a selfish one. And that's ok, sometimes you have to be selfish. You can only do so much for others for so long until you break.  This is a hard thing for me.  I try to take care of everything & everyone.   This trait is not a strength, it is in fact a weakness.  But over the past few years I have learned to ask for help and more importantly accept it.

  This goal is way outside my comfort zone but one I am focused on.  It requires me to hit the gym 6 times a week, eat a set number of calories and make sure they are balanced in macro nutrients (Fat, Carbs and Protein).  It will cost money and that is also a hard step for me, spending money on myself.  I have no issue buying things for the house, kids, Travis - no problem.  But I always manage to find an excuse when it comes to me.  The past two years I have regularly had my hair done and occasionally my nails.  It was just never a thought before but something I now allow myself to enjoy.

  As moms we often put ourselves last.  Making sure everything and everyone is taken care of.  That leads to one worn out momma.  So I am learning to make time for me.  When Trav was gone it was yoga, that was my time to decompress, no phone, email, kids etc.  I would schedule things around my yoga time I would fight for it because it helped me that much.  It is amazing how you can find time and energy for something when you are focused on it.  I manage to hit the gym 6 times a week by going after work on my half days or during my lunch break and by sneaking off on saturday evenings.  It is a time for me & only me so I can focus on my goal.

  So with each passing week I continue to see improvements in muscle tone, strength, will power.  Not only pounds lost but inches.  Focused on my end goal.  Will I win, doubtful but I will walk across that stage knowing I did everything I could to get up there with confidence and I will enjoy that, trophy or no trophy.