Marriage

 Flowers, a beautiful dress, pictures, cake, punch, jewelry, gifts!!  What is there not to love about a wedding??  It can be the most exciting wild ride but hopefully it's not the best day of your life.  Hopefully the days that follow receive that title.  The milestone anniversaries, the children, buying a house, moving, etc.  Hopefully those things beat the wedding day. I know, not really the normal train of thought here in America.  I have been to ridiculously expensive weddings and fairly simple ones too, in fact my wedding cost less that $10,000, including my dress, 4 brides maid dresses, flower girl dress and ring bearer outfit, cake, flowers, venue and all.  All I could think about those few months that I had to prep was being married and the exciting adventures we would go on.  Just him and I on our own.  The day happened so fast but I can still recall all the wonderful feelings and moments.  

Engagement

  Really we had started this whole journey after returning from a trip to Florida with his family for Christmas while he was transitioning from Basic Training to Tech School.  We had it all figured out - found a judge, had gotten the marriage license (no wait time for military and no blood test in KS) and had called most of the family to come over the following day to watch us get hitched.  Well, God had other plans along with that hard praying momma of mine.  That poor judge slipped and fell on the ice the next day putting him out of commission and laying the ground work for us to have a traditional wedding in 3 months when his training was done.  

Daddy and me

  I found my dress at a local shop off the rack - it fit perfect, no alterations needed.  I made my veil, picked the bridesmaid dresses from a catalog at the same shop and decided I wouldn't wear shoes because I loved being barefoot.  I had always wanted to get married at the Christmas tree farm in my home town that had provided so many wonderful memories as a child so that became my venue.  I had no preference of cake flavors or designs - honestly there wasn't as many choices back then.  We decided to do nuts, mints and punch along with the cake.  No reception, no meal, no mess, no fuss.  I walked down the stairs with my daddy and all I could think is "don't let me trip, don't let me trip" and he held onto me tight as we descended the stairs.  As soon as I saw him standing up at the front it was all ok.  I never felt nervous or scared, just felt a sense of safety and firm in the knowledge that this was the man for me.  

Homecoming 2013

  To say I was naive is an understatement, not just to the trials of marriage but the trials of a military marriage.  Everything was very foreign to me. I had no idea about rank, titles and customs - but I learned.  He can now throw acronyms at me like it's nothing and I understand and translate for those around us.  I could never fathom my husband being away for 11 deployments and numerous TDYs.  Most assuredly I couldn't believe the things he would see and do on those deployments.  Marriage is hard, it is work and most definitely a military marriage. It has to be a balance of love, understanding, patience and personal strength. And when you add in the inevitable out fall of war it makes things tricky. My husband has awesome coping skills, I think he was taught them early, and for most of his military career that had been enough. But something has shifted, he wants to be present in this life, he wants to feel things and enjoy things, which is hard. He has swept things under the rug, feelings, fears, etc, for so long we are tripping on the huge mound the rug now covers.  

  It is messy, it is a fight, it is confrontation and uncomfortable.  But we will tackle it together.  He reacts in ways that are hurtful to me but I know that this is different.  Before he would have said nothing, he would have held it in. I know for the most part I am a safe place for him. He can be real and share his feelings and know I am not going anywhere. 

Dinning out

  It is hard to watch the one you love in so much pain so much tournament and all you can do is sit with them and let you know you are there. So that's what I do, I tell him I am here, I show him I am here and I try to convey to him that he is in fact safe. 

  My husband is my hero beyond measure. He is doing things now that he would have never done. Not just to help himself but our family and others. He advocates for counseling and shares his story when he can. I know he will do amazing things given the chance.