Boys, Boys, Boys!

   We now have three boys living in the house, not including the hubs.  Chloe and I are out numbered.  We have been taken over by blue, and footballs, basketballs, toy cars and planes.  Sports talk and extra energy run rampant throughout this house now.  An increased grocery bill to boot.
But somehow it fits.

  We took in another child a couple weeks ago.  Victor, he is 10yrs old.  It was something that came out of no where. We had been matched with a 3yr old boy before Christmas & were waiting to learn more about him & were asked what our interest in future placements would be. We said, a girl roughly 10-11 or even a small sib group with an older girl. The phone call we got later that week was regarding Victor.  The current foster home he was in could no longer keep him for complicated reasons. So we had about an hour to decide if we would take him. 

  As I stood there in my office with Trav telling me all about this boy, good kid, good student, mom has issues, dad has fallen off the face of the earth, I prayed. I asked God if this was the best fit for us both & to protect this young man as he moved homes once again. So we agreed, my co-workers cheered and laughed because we are a tiny bit crazy. 

  As soon as we got home & we moved Ethan's crib into Kayden's room & the love seat that was once in Kaydens room into what had been an office, guest room & then baby room. Amazing how a room is just a box & can be transformed so easily. Now it was to be a 10 yr olds room.   We made it as comfy as we could on short notice.  The next evening Trav went to CYFD and picked him up.  I felt nervous, we hadn't even so much as seen a picture of him let alone knew anything about him but he was about to be in our home.  I thought how strange this all is, this young man could become our son and how odd it felt to wait for his arrival.  So we tried to make it a fun night.  I ordered pizza from a local place, Mario's because they can do gluten free and no cheese for my special eater Kayden.  But apparently in my haste to rush out the door at work and get pizza, pick up the little ones and get home I ordered the biggest pizza possible.  I mean this thing barely fit in the car.  It was a good ice breaker for sure and a fun memory to look back on.

  Once Trav got him home we unloaded his things from the car, tiny treasures and memories he had carried with him over the course of two years.  We showed him his room and reassured him we would make it into his own space, get rid of the comforter and books and let him put up his things.  He was happy to just have his own room, something he had never experienced before.  It saddens me to think in his short 10yrs all things he has seen and been through and has been able to remain a pretty normal kid.  He has had to be the parent and worries about things his brain can't even begin to understand.  So our job is to let him be a kid, let him experience things and enjoy life.

  So as time has gone by he started a new school and has done well adjusting.  He started playing basketball, something he had never done before. And we opened up a wall in his room to expose a closet that was covered up by the previous owner, luckily it still had the shelf and bar and cedar lining.  This thing is huge! And with time Victor has opened up to us.  We are lucky he is such a good kid, definitely still some work to be done to help him process everything but over all no issues.  He is great with the pets and the little kids.  He and Chloe have hit it off and joke and talk and she already refers to him as her brother and he helps her feed the animals.

  Seeing our home fill up is amazing.  We may not have birthed all these kiddos but they are ours non the less.  God has blessed us immensely and we will continue to pray for his guidance and will in all these situations.

Bacon

  Our pig, lovingly named Bacon.  We had her for over a year.   We got her with intention of raising her for meat, so we always knew that this day would come.  I had mixed feelings for sure, I didn't love her, she wasn't soft and cuddly or sweet.  She was in ever aspect a PIG, she snorted and rooted and escaped from her pen and knocked against you while we were trying to feed her or give her straw for bedding.  She smelled and at one point got mud so caked on her tail I had to take a Benchmade and amputate part of it.  

  No one said having animals was easy.  No one said it is fun.  The day I had to "fix" her tail was not fun, Travis was still gone, Chloe was helping me try to get the mud off and it just wasn't working.  The boys were napping so time was limited.  So ankle deep in mud I made a decision.  It had to just come off.  She didn't even make a peep and with one quick swipe it was done.  Yes, there was blood but she was able to swing her tail once again and didn't seem to mind.  Chloe on the other hand was a bit green when all was said and done.

  Then the day finally came where everyones schedules lined up and Bacon was to meet her end.  The Friday before we researched and prepped and that morning we set up tables and a heater for the garage getting ready for the day.  I have never witnessed anything being killed. I never grew up with a family that hunted.  But, I am not naive enough to think my meat comes from the grocery store in a pretty plastic package, I know what happens to get it there.  We had a wonderful team that day.  A friend from work and her husband and 3 sons and daughter-in-law come out along with another friend and couple teenage boys curious as to what exactly would happen. 

  I had not planned on being out there in the beginning, I didn't know if I could handle it and Chloe had said she didn't want to be out there either.  But things moved fast and as it happened we were.  It was strange.  To see her no longer alive.  I would like to say it was fast but the body doesn't just stop, there are nerve firings and things that must happen that make muscles jerk.  I still have feelings of sadness, not that I miss her but just the feelings of respect that comes from something giving it's life so that you can sustain yours.  It is a sober thought for sure.

  The ladies went inside and let the men and boys handle the front end of the operation.  We made laundry soap and fire starters and joked about our pioneer style day on the farm.  It was a beautiful day outside and really just a great time with friends.  

  I did eventually wonder outside, out of pure curiosity.  I have taken anatomy classes, actually had a fetal pig we had to dissect and keep in a bucket of formaldehyde - it came home with me once.  I see blood at work - I am not squeamish by any means, but it still seemed odd.  As I came into the barn there she was no longer looking like I had once known her and then I was handed a liver.  From that point on things went fast, everyone was in the garage and the guys made work of the meat.  I walked out to the barn and a team was busy at work with cleaning up the "evidence" of what had just taken place out there.  Things were rinsed and shoveled and raked and buried.  Little to no signs remained.

  We got sausage and hams and bacon and tenderloins.  There was a great rhythm going.  Things were cut and passed to either me, the bagger and vacuum sealer or to Kim and her son who cut it into smaller pieces so it could be handed off to Tim who was in charge of the grinder.  Then once things were sealed and a pile formed we took turns running it to the freezer.  We were done in 4 1/2 hours start to finish.  Everyone helped with clean up.  Couldn't have asked for a better day.  

  When all was done we set down and enjoyed pizza and conversation, worn out from the day.  We sent our wonderful helpers off with meat, eggs, laundry soap and fire starters.  A true mountain day.

  

A New Year

 This past year has been a whirlwind to say the least.  Changes all around.  If someone would have told me last year at this time what 2013 would hold I would have laughed.  New additions to the farm, hand injury, 14 yrs married, becoming foster parents and adding 2 boys to our family, going through a last minute deployment and now Chloe being a teenager.  It all seems surreal.

  It is always amazing to me to see how much you can grow over the course of a year.  Learn something new, over come heart ache, take on new challenges.  We have done that this year for sure.  Dealt with family strife, learning about our animals and how to better take care of them, gardening for the first time on a large scale.  Even just having Kayden and Ethan in our home has been a learning experience.

 I have absolutely no clue when it comes to boys.  I have one sister, grew up with girl cousins, yes I had guy friends growing up but never paid attention to what made them tick.  Watching Kayden come out of is shell and start to "grow up", for lack of better term, into an actual 4yr old boy who can communicate and convey his needs and wants and what he doesn't want has been wonderful and odd at the same time.  Trying to decipher what is normal little boy behavior as opposed to the possible signs of autism his workers claimed he has or just the result of years of neglect has been hard.  Along with his special diet of no Gluten or Dairy and when Travis was on the other side of the world I was left asking co-workers and friends, "Is this normal?"

  Now, let's take Ethan, he is a healthy little guy with a healthy appetite and is now moving around pretty well.  He is a mess, getting into things and knowing he is not supposed to.  Again boys!  He actually started climbing up on the hearth around our wood burning stove and after being removed a couple times and telling him no he finally got the picture and actually put himself in timeout.  Now, I couldn't help but laugh, where he couldn't see me of course.  But I had asked him "do you need to sit down?" and he walks over to Kayden's time out corner and sits down.  Boys!

  Marriage, 14 years to be exact.  We have had ups and downs and way downs and ups again.  Today I am proud to say we made it through so very tough times.  God has been good to us and I am excited to see what 2014 holds.

Adjusting

Hubby is home, relief. Now to get readjusted to life. We have been a family of three for almost 13 yrs & have, for the most part, reintegrated with little to no issues. It just seemed natural that when he would leave I would step in & fill his shoes the best I could. Then upon his return I would hand over those shoes, a little scuffed from not fitting just right & the extra work, but still in working order. We would slip back into our roles & mesh as a family again. 

  This time around has been different. He returned willing to jump right in & help with the kids & appointments & the other mountain of things to do around here. It was me who showed resistance. It was hard to let go of the reigns. I had gotten this ship in shape & had seen both boys make great progress.  We had a routine, I knew when to call Kayden's bluff & when he was acting out how to handle it. I had gotten both boys to go to bed with no issues & sleep through the night. Had successfully potty trained a four year old who just 6 months ago was in diapers. Now I had the help I had so desired but it would mean letting go & letting him handle things his way. It was hard, it was frustrating but it has been wonderful. I had to realize he wants to help, he can do it. I am not putting him out by asking for help. This is just as much his journey & family as it is mine. 

  I have to give him back his shoes, even though this time they might be a little worse for the wear because of me dragging my heels in them. 

He's Home!

  The day had come, my other half is now home.  God has been with us all the way.  He made it out of Baltimore no problem and into Dallas Fort Worth and out again with no problem,while flights before and after his were being cancelled due to bad weather.  I prayed for him to return safely for God to be in control, yes I had the whole day off and yes if he was delayed a day I would have to work when he arrived.  But God is good and the 30 min delay that was the end result was not even an after thought when I saw his smiling face.

  I arrived at the airport knowing others from the base would be there, so I hid.  I have done this 11 times, I have picked him up from the airport after being in a war zone 11 times in our almost 15 years of marriage.  I have my routine of getting ready and trying not to get too excited because things can change, been there before.  I didn't want to make small talk with strangers or people I barely knew, I didn't even take the kids with me.  I just wanted to hug and kiss my husband and enjoy those moments that are only ours.  To have him lift me up and hug me and feel him close to me again. Those last few moments before real life sets in.  I know people come to show support and let him know he is important.  Thankfully they stayed just long enough to help us tote his bags to the truck then they headed out.

  Every time he leaves there is that thought in the back of mind, what if. . .  What if he doesn't come back, what if he gets injured, what if he comes home but has a break down or isn't himself.  This time around prayer was a daily thing and we shared our thoughts, feelings, concerns and dreams through out the deployment.  This time I felt we actually grew closer even with the physical distance between us.  Old habits broken and new ways of doing things established.  It is amazing to look back over the years and see how each deployment has been different, has shaped our relationship, both good and bad, and how we have learned and grown from these experiences.

  Yes, I could have cried during this experience and said, "whoa is me" and poor pitiful me and these deployments have caused this and that but you can't do that.  You can't let circumstances beat you, there is always someone else who has it worse.  You have to embrace the suck so to speak and let it shape you in a way you would be proud of.  So when we are reunited there isn't that baggage of blame to deal with, we can just enjoy the fact that he is home and we are together again. 

Money

  I have a confession. . . I am a nerd!  I love charts and lists and numbers and keeping track of things and organizing and thinking things through.  So this past month I decided we need to get serious about a budget.  We were married at 18 & 19 and never really thought about budgeting so we are now trying to crawl out of our youthful indiscretions.  We have tried to budget before but it never fully encompassed all the expenses that pop up.  So we would end up dipping into savings to cover things and having to wait until the next pay day to do something.

  Yes, we both have good jobs and a nice house and animals and cars, etc.  We have never really done without necessities, but we were not using our money wisely.  I was raised to believe God gives you these things it is not happenstance or fate.  And we should use it as a gift.  I believe I am a dental hygienist in an awesome office not by coincidence, but because that is where I am supposed to be.  I finished my schooling in Georgia and when we moved to New Mexico it wasn't even a factor that we thought about when choosing a place to live.  So to find an opening at a dental office in the mountains where the Dentist is generous and takes care of his staff and all of the staff is friendly and have proven to become some wonderful friends is not just luck.  Trav has had his job in the Air Force for our entire marriage and we have been grateful for that stability.  In times when people were loosing jobs and worrying about insurance we had the knowledge that we were ok.

  So, I got on our bank account and used the tool to chart our spending for the previous month.  I made lists of all the little things that take money out of our pockets, eating out, coffee, pet supplies, clothing, supplements and vitamins.  Anything I could think of.  I then started looking for some sort of way to keep track of all this information.  Through a friend I found out about a website called PearBudget ( https://pearbudget.com/?ref=chocolate-127571 ) where you can enter the income and the expenses and even those odd expenses that are not just once a month.  It was super easy to set up and they gave me a free month to try it out.  I was hooked!  I set up a quick link on my phone so I could see the balances and enter receipts, like gas, on the go. 

  We are on the second half of the first month of this budget, I know still early, but we are doing well.  I have put money into savings and pull out cash for certain categories and have successfully stayed within the budget for groceries, eating out, clothing, haircuts, etc.  With having to use cash it has made me think twice about spending money on things.  Glitches have been worked out during this first month so it will make it easier to bring Trav on board when he gets home. With Trav being gone right now we are hoping to be almost out from under the majority of our debt by the time he gets back, if he ever gets paid correctly that is.  He will be home soon and has still not been paid for actually being gone or for being promoted back in August.  Oh, finance you are the bain of my existence.  On the plus side we have wrangled our money without the extra income.  So once they finally figure out how to click the right button under his name it will be gravy.

  Being a grown up is hard and budgeting is not fun but with a little nerdy fun it can be done, I am hopeful we will continue on this path and will be using our money wisely as we are supposed to.

Farm life continues

  As we close in on the end of November I am amazed at how quickly times has flown by.  I have been busy with work and kiddos and the farm, family and friends visiting and a couple bouts of sickness for me and the kiddos.

  My Best friend Kristen came out to visit at the end of October.  It was wonderful to have her here, spending time just talking and shopping and watching movies in our Pjs.  There is something about a best friend, no matter how far away you are and how long you have gone without actually talking none of that matters.  They know you better than anyone else and in my case she has always shown me love and been there for me in prayer.  She has answered phone calls in the late night and early morning hours.  I am blessed to call her friend and love her very much.

 For Halloween we went to a trunk or treat on base a couple days before Halloween and ventured out Trick-or-Treating on the actual day.  Yes, I took Chloe and two friends and both boys out into town by myself.  It went pretty well, Kayden was totally into it and went up to the door with the girls, Ethan rode quietly in the stroller dressed as an elephant.  It started getting a bit cold and boys getting tired but we survived and the girls had fun and I felt very accomplished.

  We acquired a new cat this past month too.  I had been searching for a barn cat to help keep mice away but was worried about feral cats and little ones.  I was contacted by a lady on Facebook who had a friend of a friend who was having to leave and couldn't take her pets.  She said this cat is used to being outside and sweet. He was an instant hit.  Killed a mouse in the first two hours he was here and has no issues with horses or dogs.  He is very sweet and friendly, which is good because Chloe would have been heart broken if he wasn't.  Midnight kitty is now the newest addition to the Willingham farm.

  Veterans Day came and our sweet teens from church came out and helped me get the pile of wood that has been sitting in the drive way and another that has been by the barn since we bought the house.  It is all under the carport now nicely stacked for the most part.  They also moved some branches into the pile we have that is waiting to be wood chipped.  It was amazing how much they got done during the short time they were here.  Things I had been meaning to do but just hadn't gotten around to. What a blessing they were on this day when my veteran was gone.  They also spent the morning helping some elderly ladies in town by raking leaves and cleaning up yards.  What a wonderful way to spend a day off of school.

  Our Chickens have finally started laying!!  We are getting an average of 3 - 4 eggs a day and just started getting brown eggs.  We ate some for dinner the other night and they were wonderful.  Chloe kept commenting on how good they are.  It is exciting to see that hard work paying off, the nail through the finger a couple months back while building the chicken coop and all.


  With the wood stove being our main heat source there is maintenance that goes with that.  So I become a chimney sweep sometimes.  I put on my cover alls and grab my brush and up I go.  Yes, there is usually some singing of "chim chimney" that occurs but who could blame me.   Just the fact that I have coveralls on is a win because I am one of those girls who just jump into a project without changing clothes.  The joke around here is if a product can survive me it is a keeper for sure

   Thanksgiving is coming up and with the passing of this holiday Trav will be heading home shortly there after.  We are both ready.  He is tired with constant shift changes and trying to work in time for us to talk into his schedule and with the time change I am actually getting up at 3am to chat with him before he goes to bed.  3 am is an interesting time. It is quiet and peaceful and nice.  I make coffee and start the fire and sit in my bed with my heated blanket on and enjoy time chatting with my husband.  After almost 15 yrs we can still talk for hours about anything and everything.  It starts my day off on the right foot and ends his on a sweet note.