One more? . . . Why not?

  After having our first little guy Kayden for over a month we got a call to take a 4mo old who had injuries.  We were a bit skeptical and told the worker we would be able to give constant care for a week but after that he would have to go to daycare.  As things often do it worked out for the best that we did not take this little guy.  The Dr at the hospital wanted him to be closer to town and even though the daycare we have selected up here was willing and equipped to take care of such a child it just wasn't the best situation.  Literally the next day we received a call from the same worker for a 6mo old little boy.  We discussed it and agreed to take him.  I made plans to pick him up after work and met the social worker in the parking lot of a smith's grocery store.  He is a beautiful, healthy, chubby, sweet, cuddly boy.  Over the past month that we have had him we have gotten into a routine and he is now sitting up strong and starting to crawl and sleeping through the night - Hallelujah!! 

  We took a trip to Colorado for 4th of July to meet my mom, stepdad, sister and her family and my stepsister and her family and Chloe:)  Chloe had been in Kansas visiting my family for a couple weeks. We drove with the boys and they did great, the night before Ethan had been up all night with colic and teething - so Trav and I were on auto pilot but Ethan slept most of the drive.  Best I can guess is a different bottle I used to feed him before bed let too much air in and has now been thrown out. 

   We saw buffalo and fireworks and rode a gondola in vail to the top of a mountain.  Things I have done or seen numerous times but these boys have not and who knows if they ever will again.  I am under no delusion that I was very fortunate growing up.  I have never known hunger, never been cold in winter or so hot in the summer I couldn't sleep.  My parents always had steady jobs, ones that paid well and enabled us to go on vacations, play sports, go to camp, take classes.  We moved a lot but never very far from the old house, we actually had three houses on the same street.  My dad is a builder and I guess he just got tired of the houses we were in and wanted to build something new.  This experience did prove helpful when moving now as a military family.  I can have a house unpacked and organized in two weeks easy.

  The newest hurdle we face now is a deployment.  It was kind of one of those things that we talked about and knew it would be a good opportunity not only for him but financially.  We could finally get some things paid off and money put away.  For the first time in our 10 deployments; not TDYs, deployments that means to a war zone not state side or any of that, he is looking at me with pity.  He is seeing his wife saddled with not only our daughter but now a 4yr old boy who is autistic and a 6mo old who is now becoming mobile.  We knew this could happen when we signed up to foster.  If deployments have taught me anything it is that when the is gone the craziness happens.  I have had keys locked in cars, septic back ups, roof leaks, birds in the flue pipe of our wood stove, family deaths, bats in the bedroom, and those were just in the last deployment.  The Lord uses these events to show me how strong I am and I am not.  That yes I can do things on my own but sometimes I have to reach out and accept help, this is hard for me.  My mom was one that if you wanted it done you did it, you didn't wait for someone to fix it or move it you figured it out and did it.  I am guilty of this as well that is why I am Mrs. fix-it around this house.

So with this new phase I will go forward and accept help, not feel guilty for dropping kiddos off at daycare on my days off so I can have me time and accomplish errands with little to no frustration.  I will take care of myself by working out and eating healthy and knowing I can do this because I have support from friends and family and from a husband who loves me and most importantly I have a God who helps me do all things as long as my focus is on Him.

More Changes

  Because life just wasn't exciting enough, we are now foster parents.  We essentially want to adopt, but adoption is expensive and something we just couldn't sink thousands of dollars into at this moment.  The suggestion for fostering came from some friends who had gone through the foster process and ended up adopting their daughter.  We got the looks of "what are you thinking" and the advice to be careful and guard your heart from the possibility of loss.  So we with lots of prayer and support went forward with all the paperwork and background checks and home visits.  Not to mention the classes we had to attend.  Long, all day classes explaining the process and hearing the horror stories of children who have been so exposed to awful things, and you wonder if they will ever recover.  It took a good 6 months to get everything finished and turned in.  There was constant prayer that we would be placed with a child that would not only bless us but that we could be a blessing to them as well.  There is no magic equation that tells you how long you will have these children or what the outcome will be.  When we started this process we spoke with friends and acquaintances who had been through this process and our counselor who actually had adopted her daughter and has counseled children in foster care as well as foster parents.  We were advised to stick to our guns on what we could deal with, age wise and needs wise.  We have chosen to accept children 0-4yrs old on the premise that if they eventually need adopting we are open to it.

  We waited and waited for a call wondering if we had been approved or if something had popped up while they were reading our home study that they wanted more info on.  Who knew? The foster care system is like most other government systems, slow, the workers are over worked and there are several hoops you must jump through.  It was funny reading our eloquently written home study,  the social worker who did it did a wonderful job and all the things I thought would be issues were made to sound like strengths.  My husband being deployed so much meant he would be able to relate to these children in ways no one else could.  And things I thought were not a big deal actually got a lot of write up.  Like family that were not the best support system but never mind they lived far away.

  Finally one friday in June as I was putting my boots on to take Chloe to riding lessons we got a call.  They were on their way to pick up a 4yr old little boy who they believe was mildly autistic.  I put the phone on speaker and we listened again and glanced at each other and said yes.  They brought Kayden to our house essentially gave us his bag containing a few diapers, one extra outfit (winter) and some random toys, a cup of noodle soup and cheetos.  The investigator who brought him gave us a placement agreement, which we signed and a voucher for clothing and she left.  We have spent the past month and a half learning what this little guy needs and understands and getting him to try new foods.  It has been hard to say the least, you have to think he was with people who were not making the best choices for him for the last 4yrs and now he is put in this house with strangers.  It is trying at times because he gets what I like to call stuck on things.  We have noticed wonderful progress with him though, with some diet changes and some consistency and just being able to run around and enjoy nature and help us with animals.  One social worker stated he liked placing kids up here in the mountains, he said it seems to be therapeutic, maybe it is.

Changes

In life there are constant changes, some we seek, some that are thrown on us and some that threaten to break us. We have been a family of three for over 12yrs now and have shared wonderful moments and suffered pain as well.  It is funny we always wanted more kiddos, actually thought we would be expecting a second one when our daughter was around two, but things happen for a reason.  I have fought through tears of loss and surrendered to the fact that if not for that time in my life I would not appreciate other things.  It is amazing to me, when in a group of women how many will share stories of heart ache and loss when speaking of pregnancy.  We are so hard on ourselves as women, constantly judging every move wondering if someone is judging us.  I can remember after finding out I was no longer pregnant thinking it will eventualy happen - I mean we already had one daughter so it was possible.  In hindsight I am thankful for the hospital visit, not because it meant I was not going to be a mother again but because it revieled a cyst that was on my ovary that I was told after the surgery to remove it was the size of a grapefruit. 

There have been waves of longing for that feeling of growing a little blessing inside of you and then being thankful I have one healthy beautiful child.  It's a hard place to get to, finally accepting that this is it.   With our longing for more kids in the house came an inkling that maybe we are meant to grow our family in other ways.  Two years ago we looked into international adoption, were even on the road to adopting a little boy.  But again things happen for a reason, when my husband returned from his 10th deployment he was not himself to say the least.  The man I had known for 13yrs was not there.  So we decided to put the adoption road on hold and work on our marriage and our family, to be honest it was almost a lost battle.  If ever in my life I lived Psalms 55:17 it was then, I was in constant prayer and was recruiting people to pray for us as well.  I am pretty sure I had friends and family in 7 different states praying.  Even when things looked the darkest I was praying for acceptance and to forgive.  Then out of no where with no rhyme or reason, like God likes to do, the man I had loved since I was 18 slowly started to reapper.  It has often hit me how God used people to help me through this time that I never would have guessed would have been my support.  And in turn showed me the ones I was sure would be by my side in my lowest point were not who I thought they were. 

So here we are two years later and a lot of marriage counseling (not ashamed to say that sometimes you need that third party point of view) and happier than ever, we laugh, we share our dreams, fears, daily goings on.  Instead of pushing things under the rug and ignoring them we talk and discuss and most importantly we listen.  It is tough, with all he has been through there are just emotions that bubble up and we deal and push on. 

"Evening, and Morning, and at Noon, I will pray, and cry aloud: And He shall hear my voice"

A little back story

  So where do I even start?  I am married to a Air Force guy and have been now for about 15yrs.  We have a beatiful 12yr old daughter and are now living in the East Mountains outside of Albuquerque NM.  We have lived in KS, OK, and GA.  I am originally from Kansas and he is from Florida.  I am a dental hygienist and love my job - yes I look at teeth all day but I also help people feel better about themselves and their smile and just in general. We were married at age 18 & 19 and have definetly seen our share of ups and downs.  But God is good and he has seen us through it all.

  I have always wanted a farm and that dream has been realized with this last move.  When my husband decided to go from Active Duty AF to Active National Guard we decided it was time to put down some roots.  We bought a house.  This house is like no other home we have lived in.  It is eclectic in style and colors and has wooded and rocky property along with a barn and 5 cute little cabins nestled behind the house in the trees.  Not to mention a ready made garden area.  When we first saw this place our realtor was certain we would not like it due to the style and description of what we were looking for that we had conveyed to her.  I like surprising people.  My husband calls it my hippie house.

  Now we have been here almost a year and have made this place our own.  We have used the cabins for slumber parties, family visits and friends who got a little tipsy and couldn't drive home.  We have filled the barn with two horses and a donkey, we have built a pen for the pig who is affectionately called bacon so she is not confused as to her purpose. We have even built a chicken condo for our laying hens.  Then we planted a garden.  It was rough, I cleaned out the old dead stuff, we tilled the earth added soil and fertilizer and plan what would be planted where.  Seeds were specially purchased ones that had guarentees and would produce crops that could be harvested not only for their bounty but seeds to be replanted.  We lovingly planted everything from corn to zuchinni and with trial and error figured out a watering system.  Some things sprouted instantly while others have been more stubborn.  We have had some wonderful rain showers recently so that has defently helped things along.  Of course the trade off is the weeds it grows too. 
I describe myself as scitzophrentic gardener - can't seem to stay in one area pulling weeds for too long, I get distracted and move about not accomplishing much.  But there is a therapeutic feel being out there.

  I am continually amazed that we live in such a beautiful place, you walk out and it is quiet and calm and lovely.  Two hammocks hang in the shade and are used constantly.

Enjoying our mountian life.