Adjusting

Hubby is home, relief. Now to get readjusted to life. We have been a family of three for almost 13 yrs & have, for the most part, reintegrated with little to no issues. It just seemed natural that when he would leave I would step in & fill his shoes the best I could. Then upon his return I would hand over those shoes, a little scuffed from not fitting just right & the extra work, but still in working order. We would slip back into our roles & mesh as a family again. 

  This time around has been different. He returned willing to jump right in & help with the kids & appointments & the other mountain of things to do around here. It was me who showed resistance. It was hard to let go of the reigns. I had gotten this ship in shape & had seen both boys make great progress.  We had a routine, I knew when to call Kayden's bluff & when he was acting out how to handle it. I had gotten both boys to go to bed with no issues & sleep through the night. Had successfully potty trained a four year old who just 6 months ago was in diapers. Now I had the help I had so desired but it would mean letting go & letting him handle things his way. It was hard, it was frustrating but it has been wonderful. I had to realize he wants to help, he can do it. I am not putting him out by asking for help. This is just as much his journey & family as it is mine. 

  I have to give him back his shoes, even though this time they might be a little worse for the wear because of me dragging my heels in them. 

He's Home!

  The day had come, my other half is now home.  God has been with us all the way.  He made it out of Baltimore no problem and into Dallas Fort Worth and out again with no problem,while flights before and after his were being cancelled due to bad weather.  I prayed for him to return safely for God to be in control, yes I had the whole day off and yes if he was delayed a day I would have to work when he arrived.  But God is good and the 30 min delay that was the end result was not even an after thought when I saw his smiling face.

  I arrived at the airport knowing others from the base would be there, so I hid.  I have done this 11 times, I have picked him up from the airport after being in a war zone 11 times in our almost 15 years of marriage.  I have my routine of getting ready and trying not to get too excited because things can change, been there before.  I didn't want to make small talk with strangers or people I barely knew, I didn't even take the kids with me.  I just wanted to hug and kiss my husband and enjoy those moments that are only ours.  To have him lift me up and hug me and feel him close to me again. Those last few moments before real life sets in.  I know people come to show support and let him know he is important.  Thankfully they stayed just long enough to help us tote his bags to the truck then they headed out.

  Every time he leaves there is that thought in the back of mind, what if. . .  What if he doesn't come back, what if he gets injured, what if he comes home but has a break down or isn't himself.  This time around prayer was a daily thing and we shared our thoughts, feelings, concerns and dreams through out the deployment.  This time I felt we actually grew closer even with the physical distance between us.  Old habits broken and new ways of doing things established.  It is amazing to look back over the years and see how each deployment has been different, has shaped our relationship, both good and bad, and how we have learned and grown from these experiences.

  Yes, I could have cried during this experience and said, "whoa is me" and poor pitiful me and these deployments have caused this and that but you can't do that.  You can't let circumstances beat you, there is always someone else who has it worse.  You have to embrace the suck so to speak and let it shape you in a way you would be proud of.  So when we are reunited there isn't that baggage of blame to deal with, we can just enjoy the fact that he is home and we are together again.